Revised Introduction

Business writing is supposed to be clear cut and to the point. I slimmed down my introduction to remove information that is not essential to my essay to make my introduction easier to read and more concise. While I am not 100% it is necessarily superior than my old introduction, I would enjoy someone else's opinion on it. Perhaps an instructor? Down below you can review my revised paragraph as well as my original.

Revised Introduction:

          Legalizing marijuana in the United States is a topic that many have voiced their opinion on in the past decade. Over the course of the past few years, advances have been made and marijuana has became legal in several states, including Colorado and Washington. The question now is whether or not the legalization of marijuana will benefit or be detrimental to the U.S. Economists deal in the sector of determining if the net benefits of a certain action outweigh the net negative benefits. One of those economists, Ranjit Dighe, provides readers with ideas and examples supporting his pro position on the legalization of marijuana in the U.S. He appeals to his audience's values and beliefs, while retaining his own personal bias in order to let the reader decide for themselves whether or not they think believe marijuana should be legalized.

Original Introduction:

The debate of whether or not the legalization of marijuana in the United States would benefit the country or harm it, has been floating around for many decades. In the past half decade, it has come into the forefront of debate, with several states such as Colorado and Washington legalizing the recreational use of marijuana. Many economists along with the general public now question whether or not this is a good idea. They’re debating if it should be rolled out across the country, or if it is going to be detrimental to the U.S. As a result of this, many experts and journalists alike have taken their side of the debate to the media by voicing their opinions on the issue. An example of this is an article from the Huffington Post. In his article, "Legalize It -- The Economic Argument," Ranjit Dighe provides readers with ideas and examples supporting his pro position on the legalization of marijuana in the U.S. He appeals to his audience's values and beliefs, while retaining his own personal bias in order to let the reader decide for themselves whether or not they think believe marijuana should be legalized.

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